Lonely

I have a friend. A beautiful, smart, funny, courageous, witty friend (let’s call her M) whose been carrying on a relationship for the past year w/someone who is by all accounts gorgeous, charming, intelligent – funny, has an amazing job ; all the things a girl looks for in a guy.

Except, he’s married. Separated in fact, which forgive me for being pessimistic; I’m not sure I fully buy into.

They met and developed their “relationship” while he was very much married and unavailable, all of which she was unaware of. Eventually it came out, that he was married and had a young child and the classic “our marriage has been over for awhile”, "we live separate lives" and other classy lines that men who cheat on their wives tend to use. Over time, it was one bombshell after another, one lie after another. We’re talking major made for tv movie bombshells; yet, M stuck by him.

Because she thought he was the one, he was everything she ever wanted, they had so much in
common – she waited her whole life to feel the way he makes her feel – I could go on and on.

He finally left his wife a few months ago, after much pushing and prodding from M he told his wife he needed time apart and moved into his own apartment not far from M.

This came with some conditions though, the two of them still could not be “public” with their relationship because "he didn't want to hurt his wife" he didn't want to be labeled the guy that left his wife for another woman - even though CLEARLY he did.

He also said he would need to spend as much time as possible with his “wife” and their child, including dinners together every night and family outings so that it would help with the transition.

"WHAT??? How do you know he’s not still “with” his wife? How can you be sure they're not trying to work things out?" Was my initial response to her.

“He hates her” was her reaction.

“Obviously, he doesn’t hate her that much if he’s spending every waking moment with her when he’s not in work” I said.

I’m sorry kid or no kid, there is no logical reason he needs to be with her all night, and all day on the weekends. Unless of course, he’s trying to work things out with her. To me, it sounds like this “great guy” M claims to have found, wants to have his cake and eat it too (or as my other friend says, wants to “have his shake and bake”). His family and close friends still don’t even know M exists and as far as his wife’s extended family knows, the two of them are still blissfully in love and living as husband and wife.

It makes me sick.
But she makes excuses for him constantly, whether it’s because she really loves him or she just doesn’t want to be alone – I don’t know. But I do know it hurts her. How could it not?

I hate watching her cry over him, I hate when she calls me & says “Do you want to come over for dinner, I don’t want to spend another night alone”. I hate that he makes these grand plans for “the two of them” and their “future”, all the while living a life with his wife.

At the same time, M is partly to blame.
She could have cut it off long ago (like when she first found out he was married)!
No matter how amazing she thought he was, no matter how much they had in common, she could of said “Sorry, come back and see me when your divorced”. But she didn’t.

I don’t understand why would you keep torturing yourself all this time knowing someone is clearly not available: mentally, physically or emotionally.

Why would you let someone, specifically someone you love and who claims to love you treat you not even like your second best, but like your at the bottom of the barrel?

Is it really worth it at the end of the day? Would you rather be with someone who treats you horribly and puts you and your feelings last or would you rather be alone?

Me – I hate being alone, it’s one of my biggest fears in the world; I’d rather poke my eyeballs out than spend a weekend by myself.

However, I could never settle for second best, I could never settle for another woman’s husband – I could never be somebody’s consolation prize.

Round One

Spent the last four days in bed - fighting off this season's first round of the flu.

I literally haven't showered, brushed my teeth or even gotten out of bed for the last four days (except ya know, for obvs reasons).

I felt like a truck steam rolled over me.

Not pleasant at all.

I was finally able to eat tonight for the first time.

Beleive it or not I'm actually looking forward to getting dressed in the morning, putting some makeup on and trekking my way into the city for work - I'm not however looking forward to the pile of work on my desk, or the 534 emails (as of last count) in my inbox, but hey - what can I expect after four days? At least tomorrow's Friday and I have the weekend to look forward to.

So needed to see this right now.

Photo via: http://allagoldman.info/

Random Thoughts On A Tuesday

Not much going on round these parts lately - so I leave you with some thoughts, a la bullet point style.

• I'm kinda over gosspi girl this season. I know, I know - who would of thought I would ever get tired of Chuck Bass - but sad to say, it's true
• Is it sad that I'm already thinking Christmas. I've made my lists and mapped out a game plan, pathetic I know since it's not even October yet.
• Jillian Michaels scares me, like straight up hardcore scares me. But I love her, and I can't help it but I'm seriously developing a huge girl crush on her. Possibly replacing Mia Michaels.
• On the train ride home today there were 6-7 SANTAS! On. The. Train. Craziness right?? I couldn't stop smiling. I wish they were on my train ride home everyday.
• Also, someone tried to pick me up on the same train ride. Sadly, it wasn't a Santa. However, it was extremly awkward. After chatting about the crappy train ride and the funny Santa's he said "Maybe I can take your number and buzz you sometime?", my response "Umm.....sorry". Seriously I didn't know what to say. It's been a long time since that happened, and this girl? Is outta practice.
• I cannot stop listening to Jay Z's new cd. Think it had something to do with his appearance on Oprah, ever since then I find myself oddly fascinated with him. What's wrong with me??
• I am LOVING my new shampoo. Aussie's "Sydney Smooth" AMAZING! I haven't had to flat iron my hair for the last two days. Blow dry and a little product and viola! Pretty, frizz free hair. Where have you been all my life?
• Speaking of hair - I'm thinking of a hair change! Dana....are you listening?? LOL! I need a change - maybe something drastic, I'm thinking of a bob - something angular to my face, maybe some color too! I need change, I am over this hair of mine.
• Loving this fall weather, I mean today? Gorgeous! However it has me craving some new fall clothes, and boots and bags!! I'm thinking a second job is in order, well either that or robbing a bank. I think the second job is a safer bet :)

Hope everyone is having a great week so far!!!!

My favorite day of the week

Sundays.

Adore them. Love sleeping in with the H, reading the paper together and catching up on current events with George Stephanopoulos. It's been quiet so far today, there's so much to do but I don't feel like doing it - how's that for honesty??!!

The H and I are watching the babe today while mom and dad head to the Phillies game and I don't have to tell you all how excited I am for that!! He's getting so big, crawling, trying to stand, blabbering like a fool. He's incredible.

So that's my day, hope everyone is having an awesome weekend.

Girls Day

This morning started early. 6:00 am early. I don't think anyone should have to get up that early, especially on a non-working day. But I did.

Today I took my beautiful step-daughter H to breakfast & then shopping to get some back to school clothes.
Junior year this year my friends - OF COLLEGE!!

This time next year she will be getting ready to graduate & on her way to teaching full time.

I can't even wrap my head around it. This girl, is so smart. She's double majoring - going to school for Elementary Ed, with a minor in Spec ED and Psych. There's no doubt in my mind that she's going to make an amazing teacher. Kids love her and she's so great with them.

Anyhow.....we went to one of our favorite local spots, had a great breakfast and even better conversation. Afterwards we headed up to the mall, in search of a few new things - some "professional" clothes as she called them and some jeans. This girl, is one of the pickiest people to shop with ever - GOD love her, but she makes me nuts. After about an hour we left with 5 or 6 tops and a couple pair of pants. Quick and painfree. Not bad! I'm sitting around waiting for my nephew to get here, hubby watches him during the day - but today, Aunt Bebe gets to spoil that little guy. I don't have to tell you that I cannot wait!!!

Four Day Weekends

I've been out of work since 12:00 Friday afternoon, while some would think that sounds blissful - right now I want to pull my hair out or scream, yeah - screaming would be a lot less painful.

I don't know what to do with myself when I have a lot of time on my hands. I know you're thinking "wow, I could think of a million things" right?? I know. What's wrong with me??

I've shopped, cleaned the house, baked and cooked - hell I even cleaned the bathroom and did (and put away!) all the laundry. I should be wiped out. I should be in bed watching a marathon of the Real Housewives of Atlanta but I feel a little stir crazy. Could be because I haven't left the house all day, and I'm not planning to. Do you guys ever feel like that??

Last weekend I couldn't WAIT for this weekend, to get stuff done & have four days off with no plans.

Now that it's here - I WANT PLANS! Oh well.....I may grab a book & go curl up in bed and read.

Tomorrow I'm going to take my step daughter out to breakfast so we can catch up, I feel like I really haven't spent quality time with her lately and I miss her. She starts her junior year of college on Thursday (I know, JUNIOR year! Can you beleive it???) so after breakfast I think I'm going to surprise her and take her out to get a few new outfits.

The H has the babe in the afternoon, so I can't wait to smother him in kisses!! I hope you all are enjoying this last weekend of Summer - whether it's quiet or crazy I hope your having fun!

Better late than never

WHOA! It's been awhile. Sorry friends. I wish I had a good excuse but I don't! Life has been busy and I really haven't had a whole lotta time to devote to this little corner - just thought I'd check in and say hi!! So what's new my friends?? Same ole' stuff here. Four day weekend, gotta love labor day! Is it me or am I the only one who already whipped out my fall decorations, pumpkins and scarecrows and started decorating?? God, I love this time of the year!!

So, shocker......I cooked tonight.

Dinner - I know, can you beleive it??!!
Those of you who know me, know I’m not ummm….very good in the kitchen to say the least.

I can bake like nobodies business, but - when it comes to having to cook vegetables & potatoes or rice - forget it, maybe it’s the timing of everything but truth be known I suck.

Thankfully I have an amazing, talented hubby who cooks dinner 6 out of 7 nights a week (yes, ladies - this is one of the many reasons I snagged him). That being said, I usually try to give him a break on the weekends and cook - it usually ends up in the garbage, but tonight - I got raves all around.

I made honey dijon chicken breasts, with sauteed grean beens and white rice. I found the recipe here; which is one of my new favorite blogs by the way!

Next up - chocolate chip cookies!! YUM! Tomorrow I just may try my hand at home-made meatballs, I maybe pushing it but I figured I better strike while the iron is hot!

Image via: http://asouthernfairytale.com/

Long Time Gone

Seriously, I'm really bad at this regular posting business. I've decided to move blogs, or actually combine 2 - in - 1. To check out my ramblings, and what's going on - check out my tumblr:

http://semichrmd.tumblr.com/

I will be closing this blog eventually, because:
1. I don't have the time for both
2. Multi tasking has never been my favorite
3. Quite honestly I have a pretty short attention span.

hugs & kisses

This Weekend.....

Was my nephew's christening, a day honestly I thought was never going to come. The hurdles and hoops we had to go through to get to this point were at times exhausting, and trying but in the end - what an amazing day.

Dannielle and Tommy, picked her two brothers to be the Godfathers: The H and Patrick; and Tommy's two sisters: Jenn and Melanie to be the Godmothers.

All were thrilled beyond belief (ahem.......even though one of them didn't act like it at first).

What a better gift to give your siblings than to ask them all to stand up for your son?? What an honor.

The day started off crazy, I had so many errands to run before getting to the church:
Picking up the food, picking up the cake, get the car washed, pick up cards and boxes for the gifts, drop everything off Melanie's where we were going to have a little get together after - then go home and get showered and ready before 12! It almost didn't happen, but by some small miracle it did, and we made it to Dannielle's with a few minutes to spare.

Heather and I - Outside the Church

LP, with his papa - The H (I swear, he's not really that short - LP is just REALLY tall! Plus ignore the hand gestures....such a smartass!! But ya gotta love him.

Our whole, small family was there - which was amazing - I don't think we've all been in the same room together, since well - honestly I can't remember when. Paul's brother lives in VA so we don't get to see him that much, maybe once or twice a year - so whenever we get to see him and his family, well - it just makes me happy.

Patrick with 2 out of his 5 grandkids!! So cute :)

Gram w/the babe, right before he started to cry - at which point she turned to the H and said "How do you make him stop??" HA!

The four of us, The H, Me and Dannielle and the little guy. The H ADORES his sister and her family (HA! I can say that now). Even though at times he can be impossible, there is nothing he wouldn't do for them - nothing. It's amazing to have someone in your corner, through good times and bad - who will always be rooting for you.

Heather, practicing for ummm....never - I mean someday. I can't beleive this girl will be graduating college next year!! We are so proud of her.

Ian with his Nana, perfectly content

Tommy's Dad, Ian and Tommy - the jokesters!

Aunt Melanie with Ian, her first niece or nephew (hmmm....we something in common Mel)

Tommy's family, what can I say - they are pretty awesome. You can tell why Tommy is the great man that he is today - because his family is pretty incredible.

I felt all day like my heart was going to explode, from being so happy - I couldn't stop smiling. This last year, really - profoundly has made me realize that family is the most important thing we all have in life, whether they are blood or self made family - really after a long day that's all we have, and it just may be all we need too. A good bottle of wine every now and then doesn't hurt either.

Grace in Small Things 6/365

1 - Grilled cheese sandwiches & tomato soup

2 - Back scratches

3 - Sleeping in, and working from home

4 - Tori & Dean (seriously, I can't get enough of these two!)

5 - Thursday night date night with my SIL & the babe

Sign # 24,635,00 he's just NOT that into you

When you tell your "man friend" that you want to see more of each other, IN PUBLIC places radther than late night booty calls and he responds with "Our relationship is special, I don't feel the need to parade you around out in public like a trophy" - this means not only is he "just not that into you" but chances are he's still with his wife & hello.......he's not gonna change.

When things are too quiet.....

Things are quiet and crazy all at the same time lately. I don't have much, but I thought I'd pass this along. One of my oldest girlfriends sent me this today - via an email;

11 Things Every Woman Should Know

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.
4. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.
5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
6. Don’t go for looks, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
8. Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Grace in Small Things 6/365

1 - Corn Dogs, for those of you that are clueless or maybe not from the south - hot dogs on a stick. One word.....glorious.



2 - Baby sounds, preferrably when they are coming from my sweet nephew. Screaming, giggling, growling - the kid is a chatterbox. But it's the best sound I've ever heard.



3 - Coming home to find The H ice-ing'd (is that a word??) the 2 dozen cupcakes I had left to finish. What a guy.



4 - Roger Federer vs. Andy Roddick



5 - 3 day workweeks - makes this thing called work "tolerable"

Week in Review

Got to meet this handsome boy and his equally gorgeous wife.....both might I add were just as sweet in real life as you would imagine.

Spent lots of time with some of my most favoritist people in the world.....

This week started off, sad and gloomy but I have to say ended on a high note. Hope everyone had an amazing 4th of July. Here's to a happy Monday!

Gram - Update

So a little bit of good news on the Gramma front. Her estrogen levels came back last week and she is a candidate for a new drug on the market called Tamoxifen. According to this site it's supposed to be a "lifesaver", reducing breast cancer recurrence by shielding breast cells from the harmful effects of the hormone estrogen. So fingers crossed. Gram seems really excited, even optimistic. I went to see her yesterday and she was her normal spunky self. Baking cupcakes for our local fair,to which she makes cakes for (to be raffled off) every year for the last 50 years. How did I not know this?? As The H and I were leaving she shoved $10 in my pocket and said "Here go get funnel cakes or something for yourselves", I tried not to take it - but that just made her mad. So the H and I dropped off her cupcakes and went for some delicious ice cream. For Gramma, and maybe to cure my PMS too but that's a different story.

Also, thank you Mel and Brookem for your kind words. They really meant a lot. I think you girls are pretty swell.

And last, Happy 4th of July everyone! We are heading to my beautiful SIL'S later today for a good old fashioned BBQ, which I cannot wait for. So whatever your doing hope you have a safe and happy one!!

Gram

Gram found out last week she has Stage II Breast Cancer. She found a lump in her breast, right after Christmas & didn't say anything to anyone. She didn't want to "scare" us. I noticed she was acting weird, I kept saying to my husband "something is not right, she keeps talking about dying & what's going to happen to our family when she's not around." She wasn't acting like herself but she couldn't explain what was wrong.

She finally went to get it checked out a couple months back and her family doctor told her to keep an eye on it, if it was still there in a few months he would send her for a mammogram. He thought it was nothing, just a cyst. Well, she went back in May. It hadn't gone away. He sent her for a mammogram almost 2 weeks ago. Her doctor called right away and told her they found a mass - not sure what it was he scheduled her an appointment with a specialist.

The specialist did a biopsy, and sure enough - CANCER. What we all dreaded.

Grandma is going to be 91 this year. She is tough as nails, still cooks, bakes, cleans - takes care of herself and everyone else around her.

She is strong, fiesty, good hearted. Sure she has her faults like everyone, she isn't perfect - but who is?? The H called her thursday night to see how her appointment went & I could tell - I just knew something wasn't right. I stood at the kitchen sink crying, trying not to listen - because I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to hear that another person that I love, was being dealt this hand. It's just not fair. I don't want her to be sick, I don't want her to suffer, the same way her husband & her only daughter did. I just want her to be the same gram I have known for all these years.

Initially when she first told us she had found a lump, she said no treatments. She's thinking about it now, which part of me is hopeful - hopeful that she'll decide to fight but part of me wonders is that really the best thing for her?

Love / Hate Relationships

Walmart
Facebook
Oprah
Diet Coke
New York City

We all have love/hate relationships, some more profound than others (obvs) but still significant none the less. While walmart and nyc are pretty high up there on the list, my biggest love / hate relationship is without a doubt food.
You have to eat to survive after all, to live, to function - but for me food has always been about one thing: comfort.
Up until the time I was 19 I never really struggled with my weight. I could eat what I wanted without really thinking twice. Granted, I was always bigger than most of my girlfriends but at 160 pounds I looked good - I'm 5'8 - I think the last time I weighed 125 pounds (my "average" weight) was in the 8th grade. I was happy, confident, proud of my body and curves. Fast forward to now, I wish I could say the same thing. At almost 100 pounds heavier, I'm not happy. I'm not happy with how I look, how clothes fit, how I feel. I feel disgusting, I don't feel attractive and I sure don't feel sexy. I feel like I have so much weight to loose that what's the point? Why not eat another piece of cake? Today for lunch you know what I had? Popeyes! My hubby is so great he packed me a healthy lunch of fruits and yogurt and grilled chicken and instead of eating that I had to have Popeyes. After I ate it, I felt horrible - not horrible as in sick but horrible as in guilty. Why? Why do I continue in these patterns? You know why, because I feel like I have this huge mountain in front of me that I have to climb, and I don't even know how to get started let alone make it to the top.
I'm starting to have health problems, my sugar was extremly high during my last doctors visit (diabetes runs in my family), my husband tells me at night when I sleep he can hear me literally gasping for air and I wake up choking. That is some scary shit. I am 30 years old, I am too "young" to have these kind of issues because of my weight - which is something I can control I just don't know where to start. I know I have to do something, I can't go on this way. A few doctors of suggested Gastric Bypass, the H is totally against it. He's so scared something is going to happen to me, which I can't say I blame him that thought scares me too, and he said that will solve my "weight" problem but what about my "food" problem? It doesn't teach me how to break my bad habits.I'm thinking about doing Weight Watchers, I've done it probably a handful of times since I started gaining weight and I always had great results, it DOES work if you stick to it. Something has to give, I know I don't wanna be like this anymore.

Grace in Small Things 6/365

I've been such a slacker lately, I really have - I'm sorry! I promise to be better!!


1 - Tumblr - better than blogger, better than facebook - I am addicted! Check out my site - it's like a place to store pictures, songs, videos, quotes, blogs - ALL in one! It's amazing!!


2 - The new DMB Cd.....it made me remember why I love these guys so much.


3 - Watermelon, I love summer time - because that means busting out the melons (no, not THOSE melons). Although, too much watermelon means you will be up all night peeing....just saying.



4 - Movie night with The H, this week we watched The Reader and I was reminded just why Kate Winslet is in fact our generations best actress



5 - Concerts,...last night me and a couple of my girlie friends saw No Doubt - who btw, can I just say Gwen Stefani is AMAZING. Love her. She may just be my new girl crush. Next up, Jason Mraz and hopefully Mat Kearney.

Things I cannot live without

• The h
• My fam, specifically my gorgeous nephew and BFF
• Cheese
• Glossy magazines
• Facebook
• Online Shopping (or hell, shopping of any kind!)
• The Real Housewives of any county
• Good music
• Nail polish
• Texting
• My girls
• Books
• Cupcakes
• Peanut Butter
• So you think you can dance
• Jeans and t-shirts
• Movie night
• Boys with guitars
• Gossip Girl
• Fresh flowers
• Concerts
• Baking
• Long drives
• Snail mail
• Thank you cards
• Stationary
• Day planners
• Fun jewlery
• Cozy sweaters
• Flip flops
• Red wine
• Hugs
• Photographs
• Love, being in love & feeling loved

Weekend Review....Picture Edition

This weekend included a little bit too much of this.....

Lots of hugs and kisses to this little guy...........

Spent lots of time with this lovely lady, so much so that both of our hubbies have declared that next weekend - we are grounded. Not allowed to see each other. Booo......

And good food and convo last night with this lady.....

All in all, it was a great weekend. Date night Friday night with The H - he cooked an amazing dinner and we cuddled up on the couch and watched the season finale of Grey's finally. Holy moly! Izzie and George? The tears didn't stop! Saturday morning I did some errands and then headed over to my SIL's for some shopping, and a cookout with her and a couple of her friends. We had a really great time! She made the most amazing steaks, ever & a sherbet, champagne, liqoured up punch. OMG, it was amazing!! After I got home, I pretty much PASSED OUT! Thank you alcohol! Then Sunday we chilled at home, I baked a little & cleaned, basically waited for my pal Kelly to come over, and helped the H cook dinner!!

Now it's Monday night, I worked from home today - because NJT was all sorts of messed up this morning. It feels like I already worked 800 hours this week, why is tomorrow only Tuesday??

Hoping this week is relatively quick and quiet. I don't think that's too much to ask for right??

Things I've Learned in The Past Week

• That little guy, is going to have my heart until the day I die, I mean seriously - how could you not love him? Look at him.
• When a guy with metal stakes through both of his ears, tells you getting your nose pierced isn't gonna hurt at all.... yeah, well he's lying
• When you abuse your body long enough, eventually it's going to give out on you
• Contrary to popular belief time, doesn't heal all wounds
• No matter how hard you try sometimes, you are never going to please everyone - there are just some people that are un-pleasable and that's ok
• Some people thrive on drama, don't let them tell you they have "changed" because chances are they haven't. Old habits are hard to break.
• If you're having an affair with a married man, who's breaking up his family to be with you - YOU ARE the other woman, no matter how hard you try to tell yourself you AREN'T - he IS leaving her for another woman - YOU
• Life isn't slowing down, time to take advantage of it while we can.
• Hearing my nephew giggle, and make "farting" noises, is quite possibly heaven on earth
• I don't like basketball, or UFC or any of that other crap the H makes me watch
• Avocado's are really GOOD
• Guys should always hold the door open for a lady, especially when she's maneuvering a stroller
• Mat Kearney makes me happy, so do Jason Mraz, Jack Johnson, Rob Thomas and Ray Lamontagne
• Mani/Pedi days are pretty incredible - especially when shared with your bff
• Sometimes, all you really need is love - the rest is just icing on the cake

My Marriage is Invalid

According to the Catholic Church. That's what I just had to listen to this afternoon. But let's back it up a little bit. Today sucked basically. The H's step sister passed away last Friday, they think she died of a drug overdose, but can't be sure. Today was the viewing and funeral, and well - it sucked. I have a massive headache that doesn't wanna go away and well I just feel drained.

On our way home, we stopped at a church, in our area that I called yesterday to ask about baptizing the little guy. When I spoke to the woman yesterday, she said under no circumstances can they (meaning the catholic church) refuse to do a baptism for a baby and all we would have to do is come in and register. My SIL Dannielle was married years ago and divorced, and other churches have basically refused to baptize the baby so I thought "awesome, we finally found someone". We went and met with them and well, let's just say it didn't quite go as planned. They said they would do it, but she had to get a letter for her parish with them "agreeing" to release her or something. Before we left my SIL asked about the Godparents, if there was anything they would need to do in order to basically become Godparents (which the H and Dannielle's hubby's SIL are going to be). The woman proceeded to ask us, well - are they both married (yes and yes), were they both married in the catholic church (no and no).....this is where things get interesting. "Since your marriage is considered invalid, they wouldn't be able to be Godparents". Ouch...low blow. Hearing my marriage being called invalid kinda hurt a little.....she proceeded to say it again, this time the H interuppted and said "in the church's eyes". Oh boy, here we go. He managed to stay calm, we ended up thanking her for her time, blah, blah, blah & home we went. I feel bad, because I know Dannielle wants to baptise the babe, before he gets too big. But I have faith one way or the other, it'll happen.

Pondering.....

How much of yourself do you give in a relationship?
Do you pick and choose your battles - only fight the big ones, and blow off the small ones?

Or do you hold your ground, stand up for what you believe in regardless of how the other person feels or how its going to affect them?

I've always been the type in relationships to sit back and nod my head, whether I agreed or not. Its just me, I don't like to create drama or tension - I like to make everyone happy (specifically the H), I just want for everyone to like me. Pathetic right?

I'm trying to change. I'm trying to speak up more, trying to stand up for what I believe in and how I feel. It hasn't been easy, especially because of my pattern to please, please, please. It takes some getting used to. It may not make everyone happy, but it makes me happy. At the end of the day, isn't that what really matters? Making yourself happy? If that means making other people unhappy along the way, is that ok?

The start of good things to come

My heart is so full. It's 11:30 (almost) and I can't stop smiling, or crying. How weird am I??

Today was my SIL (Dannielle's) first mother's day. We had brunch at our place to celebrate, and had our gram who is almost 91 come to join in on the fun. It was so amazing to watch her interact with the little guy, she was genuinely happy - which I haven't seen in a really long time. It was pretty incredible. I think it was just the boost she needed to get out of that funk she's been in!

Gram with the little guy

I feel like having a new baby in the family, particularly Ian - has brought new life into our family, he's brought happiness into our hearts again, where things seemed so dark for so long, their finally light again and I have to say that's a pretty great feeling.

Uncle Paul, loves his nephew....

So handsome.

Sleepy pants

The girls: Me, Dannielle and Gram

"Gimme that book!!"

What a fun day today was, I wish it didn't have to end.

I wish I didn't have to go off to work tomorrow BUT a girls gotta pay the bills.

Sweet dreams bloggy buds, I hope everyone had a great mothers day.

Mother's Day

For a really long time, Mother's Day has been just another holiday in our family.

It's a day we all kind of avoided - The H's mom passed away 8 years ago & it was devasting to our family. Holiday's definitely took on a new meaning after she passed, but this year - it's my SIL Dannielle's first official mother's day and I couldn't be happier or more excited for her. This morning we're having her and her husband, the babe of course and grandmom over for breakfast. I'm actually really looking forward to it, so is the H - to see his sister in this new light, as a mom is pretty amazing for him. I think it's also helped to heal, a little bit of the pain he's had in loosing his mom. It sounds cheesy, but I feel like there's a new ray of light in our family, all in the form of this perfect little red headed baby boy!

So happy mother's day out there to all you mom's, I hope today is filled with lots of laugh & memories to last a lifetime!

Multi-tasking at it's finest

I'm working from home today. Stuck on NJT last night for over 3 hours, this morning they were expected the same delays...needless to say as soon as I saw that I called my boss and said I wasn't coming in, but would be working all day from home instead. Truthfully, there's not a whole lot I can't do from home that I can do in the office - which is nice. Plus I have a pretty great group of assistants that I can count on.
On the plus side, I can also get stuff done at home that so desperately need to be done like:

1-Unloading a dishwasher that's been full for the last 3 weeks, why oh why family don't you do this??
2-Doing the 15 or so loads of laundry that are starting to take over my bedroom
3-Writing out "Thank you" cards - because yes, people this is a priority
4-Spending some quality time (although, let's face it - quality at this point means "I'm home!!") with the H
5 - Oogling (is that even a word) cute pictures of the little guy, which at this very moment my SIL just sent me!! Love her!!

So that's my day in a nutshell, hope everyone has a good hump day, three more days till the weekend - WOO HOO!

Sweet Bean

The sweetest little bug, 4 months this week. My how time flies........

Godspeed, little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Weeks Endings

Tonight (or actually tomorrow morning) officially marks the END of my birthday week. I had such a great week, I feel like I'm floating on air. Friday night I met up with some friends for happy hour @ On the Border. Half price appetizers and $3 margaritas makes for a fun night!

Isabel, Me and Beena


Isabel, Me and Tammy

Beena & I have been friends for wow...almost 12 years. She is the only "friend" I can get in knock out, drag out, throwing things at each other kinda fights and still talk to the next day. She's taught me to stand up for myself, hold my own if you will. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm working on it.

Oh and for the record, the above pictures were taken before the great margarita dibacle of 2009 kicked in.

Just a piece of advice, don’t drink 4 (or was it 5??) margaritas on an empty stomach & then think you are going to make it out of the parking lot standing up. All I’m saying is, I owe Beena a carwash. I haven't done that in at least 6 years, if not longer. First sign, that I am getting old. Anyway, after I blessed her pretty little car, I felt fine - but was ready to go home. Wanted to get home early, so I could be well rested for my girlie day with Dannielle.

We had an appointment with Dana, who Dannielle and I are both in love with. She really does give good hair!! Love her. I was going to get my normal, just a trim shoulder length with side swiped bangs cut & Dannielle ended up finding a style in a book and said "oh, what do you think about this one?". It was a little shorter than I thought I wanted, but I have to say I LOVE IT! It's so cute and easy to manage. Danni decided on going super short, I'm not gonna lie at first I was a little worried about her, I kept thinking "Oh my God, what if she hates it? Oh no!!" BUT, she didn't. She loved it, and she looked absolutely adorable.

Saturday night, we did dinner with family and friends. The h wanted to do a big blowout party, but being in a recession and all - we thought it wasn't such a good idea. Instead we decided to dinner @ The Olive Garden, don't laugh. It's nothing fancy, but it was what I wanted. Lowkey and simple - and that's exactly what it was.





Me and Dannielle -
I can't even tell you what it meant for me to have Dannielle with me, by my side Saturday night. She's been going through a rough time as of late, you can read all about it here. Dannielle's my hero, the strongest most bravest woman I know - which she learned from the best. Her friendship is one of my most cherished possesions & without her, I don't think I would be half the woman I am today, and I truly mean that. I always felt I was missing something, missing a mom, missing a family, missing where I came from. But not anymore, and it's hugely in part because of her. So thank you, although - I didn't think that'll ever be good enough.

Heather & I - talk about overachiever....I'm so proud of this kid, she is going to school full time (Elementary Ed w/a a double minor in Spec Ed and Pyschology, miss smarty pants!!), working full time, and Student teaching so many hours a semester. She never stops. She knows what she wants and goes for it, full speed ahead. She drives me bonkers at time, but I love her beyond words. Beena and I - this week is her birthday week, Saturday night we are heading to a columbian restaurant on Philly called Alma De Cuba. Should be interesting, but I wouldn't miss it.

Beena and her hubby Eric, he was the one on the motorcycle accident a few months back. He's just now getting back to normal. So glad that he was able to make it, and so glad he is getting things back together.

Two of my very best friends, Amy and Kelly who also happen to be sisters.


Shannon and her BF Rick. Shannon was my very first friend @ the job I'm currently at. She trained me, and taught me pretty much everything I know. She's the sweetest girl, you'll ever meet - I'm so glad she's finally found her prince after so many frogs!!

Mama Pat. The kindhearted, funny, make you pee your pants laughing so hard mom that I never really had. She would do anything for anyone , she has a heart the size of Texas and a laugh that is contagious. There were times when we would just look at each other and laugh uncontrollable for one seemed like hours until we were crying! She truly is a gem, one of a kind & a beautiful person.

Heather and Little Paul - you know I never realized until this picture, HOW much they look alike. Wow! What a lot of people don't know about LP is he has THE best sense of humor ever! He can make anyone laugh, and he has the best personality of just about anyone I know when he lets his guard down, not to mention he is a WIZ with computers and electronics - SO smart that kid! I swear I think he could be the next Bill Gates!! I stuck him next to Pat because I figured they would get a long great. She emailed me tonight to tell me she's in love with him, so I guess it worked.

My second most favoritist guy in the universe, yes sorry love - you got demoted by a cute little red headed boy, who happens to be my #1. But somehow I think you'll survive. There are no words, that would possibly be fitting for me to describe how much I love the H. Even when he makes funny faces like this and screams at me over wet towels, I still can't help but think I hit the jackpot.


Ian (or actually his mama!!) got his aunt bebe a massage!! I've never, ever had a massage, can you beleive it?? I cannot WAIT to go. Dannielle, we have a date really soon!! Such a thoughtful gift!!

Amy bought me the prettiest pendant, that has some really nice words written on it (which for the LIFE of me I can't remember), it was absolutely beautiful. And some snazzy notecards too! Can't wait to start sending out snail mail!!




That's my "awwwww" face, can you tell?? HA! Miss Kelly got me Chelsea Handler's new book, a beautiful inscribed bookmark that she had personalized from "Things to remember". It says "It takes a long time to grow old friends, love Kelly". Perfect!! I can't wait to use it.


Shannon, what a doll......got me the prettiest coziest scarfs. How did she know I've been on a scarf kick lately?? Love em!!


Pat, knowing my love of all things pictures, got me a snazzy digital picture frame. She said "So you can remember your 30th birthday". What a gem.





Being a goof towards the end of the night, someone yelled out for me to make "my angry face"......well, if you know me, you know I don't really do angry - so this is as good as it gets. Funny huh???


Completely overwhelmed, feeling so much love - after a long week. This was probably one of the best birthday's I've ever had. Amazing friends, my family - I know I keep saying it but life is good, in fact - it couldn't be better. Sorry for being such a sap tonight, I would blame it on PMS but I would be lying, and well that's just not cool.