20 Weeks

My girl, 20 weeks old today.
Where did the last 20 weeks go?
You're rolling over now, getting mad when you realize you are on your belly and you can't GO like you want to!

You are "chatting" much more, and I've come to realize one of the sweetest sounds I can wake up to is you "talking" to me. There really is nothing better, well -unless we're talking about your gummy smile - that ranks pretty high up there too.

These last three days have been rough, we're waging war against swollen gums and everything else that comes with teething. You are not a happy girl, which makes for an unhappy mama and papa - this too shall pass, that's what all the smart kids are saying.

Christmas is right around the corner - your very first!!! To say that we are excited would be an understatement! It's off to meet Santa this weekend, but first - I'm on a mission to find you a Christmas dress. Who would have thought it would have been THIS hard to find a dress??!!!

Your laying on my shoulder as I try to type with one hand, and I can't help but think these moments won't last forever. Pretty soon won't want to be held - so while I can, I'm taking full advantage of it.

You've completed us, our family in a way that I never thought was possible. You're everything I wanted, and everything I needed. You're the best thing, that's ever been mine.

Love you little mama.

Things they don’t tell you to expect – after you’ve expected

One thing I’ve learned since becoming a mom, is no one really tells you what becoming a parent does to your relationship with your spouse.
I’d like to think, no scratch that – I’ve always had a good relationship with my husband – he’s my best friend, my partner and I couldn’t imagine life without him.
But, these last few months have been hard. Not impossible, just hard. I think we are both trying to find our footing, me being a first time mom and him doing it all over again after 24 years (yes, 24 YEARS!) and not being in the best of health.
I’ve been back to work now, for a little over a month and he is at home with the baby, all day for 12-13 hours a day.
It’s a lot.The days are long, and my little miss is shall we say a little high maintenance? Very demanding, wants to be held constantly, cries when you put her down – yadda, yadda, yadda. It’s not easy for him. His patience is short, and me being the closest person to him, he tends to lash out. By no means am I saying I’m angel. I’m certainly not, less sleep and working crazy hours tend to make me a little irritable.
So we bicker, we’re quick to snap at one another and make snarky comments. Last week it all came to a head, things were said in the heat of the moment, that had it been a different situation may not have came across so harsh. I hurt his feelings, he hurt mine.

Honestly, I hate fighting. Truth be told I’d rather sweep things under the rug, and just suck it up rather than stir the pot. But you see where that got me?

I left him a little note the morning after – apologizing first, and second telling him really what I was trying to convey (but was somehow lost in translation).

We were able to talk it out afterwards, he was shocked. Shocked that I felt the way I did, and also probably I little shocked that I spoke up the way I did.

Lesson learned? Don’t keep things bottled up. Our spouses aren’t mind readers, or psychics. And

I really, really love my husband and everything that comes along with him.

So for my little miss – who I don’t want growing up and not speaking up for herself, or holding her own ground – I will stir the pot once in awhile, but I’ll make sure to add a spoonful of sugar (or two) in the process.

On adjusting

This week has been, well to put it nicely kind of rough.

Next week marks a month since I’ve been back to work, and honestly I thought by this point I would have the whole “working mom” thing figured out, but sad to say I don’t feel like I’m any closer, than I was my first day back.

If I’m not working (which I feel like is never) I’m trying to spend as much time with the baby. So that leaves things like laundry, cleaning and one on one time with the H virtually non-existent.

How do you fit it all in?How do you manage to multi-task, so that your marriage, home, friend-life doesn’t suffer?

I’m having a really hard time figuring it out. So for now, my house is a mess, laundry is overflowing and hubby is ready for a divorce.

But this little one? Is SO worth it.

2 Months

My sweet Sophia

Today marks your 2 months birthday.
2 months I've gotten to wake up to your sweet face. 2 months I've gotten to breath in your sweet baby smell. 2 months and I am absolutely, positively, completely head over heels in love with you - my sweet girl.
My boss said to me today "you are absolutely glowing" which is never a bad thing to hear, and I told her I've never been happier. I feel like all my dreams, all my hopes and prayers have finally been answered. All in the eyes of my baby girl.
Life couldn't be better.

Last Week

Last week marked my first week back to work after being home for nearly 4 months (7weeks post baby). To say walking out the door Tuesday morning was hard would be an understatement.
I could hardly look at my baby girl curled up in her pj's sound asleep in her swing. But I gave her a kiss and out the door I went, crying all the way to the train station - mascara running down my face. Once I got to the train station, I fixed myself up and tried to pull it together. I thought "women have been doing this for decades, get it together".
And just like that I did. I tried to take the once dreaded 90 minute train ride to catch up on some reading (''the baby whisperer" GENIUS!) and listen to some new tunes (Ray Montagne if you must know!). Dare I say it, it was actually kind of nice. Don't get me wrong I would have given my left and right leg, at that point to not have to be there. But, I had a whole hour to myself. One not involving having to do copius amounts of laundry, baby bottles or poopie diapers. Not bad!!
Although I couldn't wait to get home to my little girl, a few hours away did me good, in fact hopefully it only makes our time together that much better. Someone told me last week "it's not about the number of hours you spend with them neccessarily but what you make of it while you are there", and I thought - SO TRUE! So I went home Tuesday night and gave Sophia a bath, stayed up a little later with her, and even took over dad's late night feeding. Because I wanted to. In fact, I needed that extra time with her. To kiss her, to hug her, to love on her a little more. Besides, really who needs sleep when there's chubby baby legs to bite?

One Month

On Saturday, my sweet little girl turned one month old. Can you beleive it? Yeah, me neither! I feel like it was just yesterday she was born, and we were making our way home together. Over this last month, I've learned so much about myself and my girl. For one, you can survive on three hours of sleep - not so much two, but three is good. Two - my girl has her papa's impatience (which should be just GREAT in a few years!).

She's as sweet as can be, but if she's hungry watch out! There is no getting it to her fast enough!

She loves snuggling with mama and papa late at night and hanging out with her cousin Ian.

She loves story time, and early mornings with her big sister.

She loves her big brother and follows him around the room wherever he goes.

She loves Sunday visits from her Aunt DD and Cousin Ian, although I think mama loves them more.

She is by far, without a doubt the greatest thing I've ever done and I will spend the rest of my life making sure she always knows it.

My Girl

On 7/21/2010 at 7:42 am, my entire universe shifted, I became a mom and welcomed my beautiful daughter Sophia Josephine into the world.

It's crazy to think that next week, little miss sophia will turn 1 month old.

Wow, where did the time go?!! I feel like she’s been here forever but at the same time I feel like it was just yesterday when we first laid eyes on her.

The last three and a half weeks have been amazing, trying, sleepless, so hard, but unbeleivably joyful at the same time.

I wasn’t prepared how much things would change, how much I would change - I guess you can never really wrap your head around it when people say life will never be the same, I never understood until know when they said you will love your child like nothing else, it’s something you can’t describe or put into words until it happens to you - but this little girl, has my heart fully and completely now until the end of time.

5 Months - Where did it go??

As I’m approaching the end of my 5th month of pregnancy, I can’t help but think – holy crap, where did the time go??!!
On the 15th I’ll be beginning my 6th month, which means – OMG, 4 more months to go (Yes ladies, you are pregnant for 10 months, not 9 months like people like to say! Believe me this has been one of the most CONFUSING things about being pregnant!).

I’m still experiencing some morning sickness, which isn’t as bad as before but still pops up on me from time to time; like my visit to the grocery store a couple of weeks ago where I puked all over the front entrance to our local Giant – so not pretty! And while we’re at it, heartburn? It’s seriously my new bff – I mean really, who wakes up in the morning with heartburn? It doesn’t ever stop. Also, let’s talk about cravings. They’re pretty intense & they seem to go in spurts. Like for most of my pregnancy so far, it’s been pizza. Specifically Pizza Hut pizza. I literally have ate pizza at least three times a week if not more since I’ve become pregnant – I LOVE PIZZA. Last week it was Strawberries, which really – if your going to have a craving, I guess strawberries are not the WORSE thing you can have. Literally, I would buy 2 or 3 pints at a time. One night last week I called “The H” on my way home from work and told him I would be a little late because I HAD to go get some strawberries. He said I sounded like it was life or death, but clearly – he doesn’t full understand that what this baby wants? This baby gets. And well, she wanted strawberries.
This week, it’s Apple Juice and Whatchamacallit chocolate bars, though not together – even though that sounds tempting at the moment. I mean, it’s so strange!! They say you generally crave what your bodies lacking, which if that’s the case, I guess I’m lacking sugar and more sugar? Not so sure about that one.
I’m scared to see how much weight I’ve gained at my next appointment, even though I’m still down 4 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight (thank you morning sickness), I feel like I’m not going to be so lucky this next appointment – which truthfully is ok with me. As long as little miss is healthy, I’m not going to fret over how much or how little weight I’m gaining.

This weekend we’re going to do the big registry, probably at babies r us – I don’t have the patience or the time to go from store to store so I’d rather just do one store, where we can sign up for everything we need. Which leads me to my new dilemma – what do we REALLY need? Obviously the basics, I know – but is there one thing you couldn’t live without when you brought your little one home from the hospital? One thing that you never thought of that turned out to be a savior? Please share!!!

The first of many more to come

Dear Baby,
Today was me and papa's big appointment - our level 2 ultrasound. Mama didn't sleep much last night, because she was so excited but I won't fool you - it was mostly because my hips hurt & papa had the tv too loud; hopefully before you get here we'll work on that last one. After waiting almost an hour to see the sweet ultrasound technician, we were finally called back and the fun began! They measured all your organs, and checked out your heart and spine to make sure everything looked good & thank GOD, it did. Hearing your little heart beat fill up the room, was all it took & the tears didn't stop for another few hours. You were quite the party animal this morning, rolling around & dancing in mama's belly - I guess it was the cheerios I ate this morning. About a half hour into the ultrasound you must have tuckered out - you curled up in a ball and went to sleep - flipping over so your back was facing us. I think your sassy already.
In the middle of our ultrasound - you decided to "flash us" - throwing up your hands and spreading your little tiny legs, at that moment the nurse said "it's your little girl in there".
My little girl.
Of course papa said he knew all along, because well you'll later learn he's a pretty wise fella. Our baby girl. I love the way that sounds. I love that I get to be a mama to you beautiful girl. I have so many hopes and dreams for you, so much that I want for you. Mostly I want you to be happy, and healthy. I want you to know that no matter what happens in life you always have someone in your corner, someone who will love you & treasure you, someone who no matter what life may bring or how hard things get will never leave your side. My sweet baby girl.

The little guy, whose not so little anymore

Because it's been FAR too long since I've posted pictures of my sweet, adorable, little bug of a nephew who might I add turned ONE last month. Crazy right???

Speaking too soon

So yeah, remember how I said last week that morning sickness had taken a hike?

Well, it's back.

Came back yesterday morning with a vegenance.
Hubby looked at me, oh so sweetly and said "You're not going to throw up, just relax" like he was talking me down from a ledge or something.
It didn't work, but the gesture was sweet nonetheless.

Today I'm feeling pretty lousy again - no energy, nauseas, just blah.

I made the mistake of having pancakes and syrup for breakfast this morning and I think it made my blood sugar spike, because I got the shakes after - so now I've been stressing all day about gestational diabetes - what if I have it? What will we do?

I mean, do all first time moms do this? Stress about the craziest things?
Because lately, that's all I can do.

We have our big Level II ultrasound coming up at 20 weeks. This is where they check all the organs, making sure the kidneys & heart are functioning properly & if we're lucky hopefully we'll get to see this little bunnies parts. As excited as I am about this appointment, and really? I'm excited. I'm also super nervous. Nervous that things won't go as planned, nervous that we'll get bad news, nervous that in a moment the happiness that we've felt for the last 17 weeks could all be taken away. Hubby says I'm being "morbid" and I'm "mind fu**ing" myself. I think I have pretty legimate fears, don't you? I asked my SIL a few weeks ago, if I was normal for stressing so much - did she when she was pregnant w/bug? "Yep" she said, "and it doesn't stop once the baby comes, you just have new things to stress about".

Great! A lifetime of worrying? I don't think target makes a bottle of tums big enough for that.

Feeling like a brand new woman

I was beginning to think this baby, was already conspiring against it’s mama.
Since I found I was expecting our little sugar plum, I’ve had not only the worse case of morning/noon/night sickness imaginable, but I’ve also felt like my body was just put through a 9 round cage fight.

Thankfully, I woke up Thursday morning and all that changed.
I woke up and I literally felt like a new woman.
Now I know, this isn’t going to last forever – apparently there’s this little thing in between your first and last trimester called the second trimester – that leaves you feeling re-energized, and well I don’t know HUMAN again. It’s pretty glorious. I was beginning to get upset and downrigh depressed, because who wants to spend 9 months (well more like 10) completely miserable? Not me.

I was ready to cut someone, and I’m not kidding. I don’t want to be that person, I want to be the cute, happy pregnant lady who doesn’t spend her mornings crouched over the toilet.

So here’s hoping to even better days to come.

Gimme the Meltdown

So today I had my first official meltdown over food, yeah - I know - crazy right?? But try telling that to a pregnant lady who really just wanted a bowl of Cocoa Krispies, only to find an empty box! Who puts an empty cereal box back on the shelf??
After a few tears, I finally composed myself & ate a couple slices of bread and all was well with the world. Speaking of bread, what's with my love of carbs lately? I'm worried. I'm scared this baby is going to come out looking like a potatoe or a slice of pizza. That's all I want lately, carbs (particularly crusty bread and mashed potatoes) and pizza. I could eat pizza 3x a day, 7 days a week. That's not good. For the little tadpole, or my ass. I think I need to cool it. With the crazy morning/noon and night sickness I've been having, those are the only things that seem to calm my stomach. That and french fries. I can't even get into my love of french fries lately.

On a positive note, that dreaded morning sickness - seems to be getting a wee bit better. I don't wanna say it's gone, because I don't want to jinx it - but it's been on a little bit of a hiatus this week and that my friends is a good thing.

Missing in Action

Well, hello there.

It's been awhile hasn't it?? More like 3+ months or something. Geesh, that just maybe a record around here. Life has been, well - pretty fantastic as of late & I have pretty good reason for being MIA for so long.


The night before Thanksgiving, as I was stuck in the ER with the dreaded swine flu - hooked up to an IV, and praying "Please, God - don't let me throw up on that sweet ER nurse" the H and I learned - we were in fact expecting. Yep, a baby. I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant.


We had no idea, although - obviously I thought it could be a possibly, but truthfully when you're sick with a 102 fever for a week, and busy throwing up your insides, the last thing you're thinking is "hey, where'd my period go??". Through laughter, and even a few tears - that night my whole world changed.


Because I had some slight spotting, and was so sick - the ER doc told me I was at risk for what they call a "spotaneous miscarriage" - telling me this happens to almost 60% of first time moms & there was really no explination for it. Seriously? I just learned I was having a baby, and now you're telling me there's a 60% that I'm going to loose it? Definitely not what I wanted to hear.

After 2 weeks on bed rest, I was able to see my OB who informed me that there was nothing I could do at this point in my pregnancy, if miscarriage was going to happen - there was nothing I could do, or couldn't do that would prevent it; that being said - she had no reason to beleive I didn't have a strong, healthy pregnancy. SCORE. Exactly what I wanted to hear.

A few weeks later, we had an ultrasound where we were finally able to see our little peanut, who even though I may be a little partial to, I think he/she is absolute perfection.

While some brutal morning, noon and night sickness has moved in and taken up permanent residency in my body, so has this precious little human being. To say I feel incredibly lucky and extremly blessed would be an understatement, but along with that comes panic & worry.

How are we going to do this? Financially, physically, emotionally? Am I strong enough for this? I know I am, I know we are; but it's still scary. But it's a kind of scary I am happily embracing. It's not about me anymore, it's about this new life we created - out of love. With that, I know we can get through anything.

Now, if only this morning sickness will pass. 14 weeks in, 26 more to go.