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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Things they don’t tell you to expect – after you’ve expected

One thing I’ve learned since becoming a mom, is no one really tells you what becoming a parent does to your relationship with your spouse.
I’d like to think, no scratch that – I’ve always had a good relationship with my husband – he’s my best friend, my partner and I couldn’t imagine life without him.
But, these last few months have been hard. Not impossible, just hard. I think we are both trying to find our footing, me being a first time mom and him doing it all over again after 24 years (yes, 24 YEARS!) and not being in the best of health.
I’ve been back to work now, for a little over a month and he is at home with the baby, all day for 12-13 hours a day.
It’s a lot.The days are long, and my little miss is shall we say a little high maintenance? Very demanding, wants to be held constantly, cries when you put her down – yadda, yadda, yadda. It’s not easy for him. His patience is short, and me being the closest person to him, he tends to lash out. By no means am I saying I’m angel. I’m certainly not, less sleep and working crazy hours tend to make me a little irritable.
So we bicker, we’re quick to snap at one another and make snarky comments. Last week it all came to a head, things were said in the heat of the moment, that had it been a different situation may not have came across so harsh. I hurt his feelings, he hurt mine.

Honestly, I hate fighting. Truth be told I’d rather sweep things under the rug, and just suck it up rather than stir the pot. But you see where that got me?

I left him a little note the morning after – apologizing first, and second telling him really what I was trying to convey (but was somehow lost in translation).

We were able to talk it out afterwards, he was shocked. Shocked that I felt the way I did, and also probably I little shocked that I spoke up the way I did.

Lesson learned? Don’t keep things bottled up. Our spouses aren’t mind readers, or psychics. And

I really, really love my husband and everything that comes along with him.

So for my little miss – who I don’t want growing up and not speaking up for herself, or holding her own ground – I will stir the pot once in awhile, but I’ll make sure to add a spoonful of sugar (or two) in the process.


Daily dose of Dana said...

well said, glad u shared feels like the story of my life since I even got pregnant. The more visibly pregnant I am the more I feel him coming around, at first he was acting like nothing was different when verything was different, but what I didn't realize was it wasn't different for him, just me, now he is starting to pay more attention to me and that makes me feel better- but I am waiting for the floor to drop out from under me when the baby comes. He thinks I love the dog more then him and I feel bad about that, but whats he going to think when the baby comes... thanks for sharing brandi!

Semicharmed said...

Dana - It's funny I don't think people talk about it, but it happens. See he was so amazing while I was pregnant, doted on me 24-7 but now things are so different. Not that I want him to dote on me, but we are both so stressed and short of patience and instead of talking we've been taking it out on each other. I know we'll get through it and so will you and Billy, it just takes work and you both have to be willing to put it in!! You'll do fine and I can't wait to meet that little sweetheart of yours!

Joanie said...

Funny how so many of the books leave out the parts about how much stress that sweet tiny bundle of joy can put on a marriage isn't it? My husband and I very nearly ended our marriage after our third child was born, but we managed to pick up the pieces and are happier than ever now!

Semicharmed said...

Joanie - SO true! I'm glad you and your husband worked things out, and I know we will also!!!

Amber said...

I started flowing your blog from the babycenter post, but I can't tell you how much this post has been our life too lately. Its kind of like how it was when we first started living together all over again, you have to find the perfect balance for 3 instead of just the 2 of you and you have to do it on far less sleep than you have ever functioned on in your entire life! :)