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Saturday, November 8, 2008

Should've said no

I have a friend, a really, great friend - who is having an affair with a married man.
My friend found out after they ya know, did the deed. He didn't tell her willingly but instead waited for her to ask. Of course he says all the right things including the fact that him and his wife "are leading separate lives" and that he's never felt this way about another woman.
He's pretty smooth actually - which makes him even more of a creep.

What I don't understand is if they're leading separate lives why does he have to sneak around? Why can he only call my friend on the weekends or late at night - when he wants a booty call?
And seriously, what happened to the sanctity of marriage? I have a lot of friends, who I know have cheated or are currently cheating on their husbands or wives.....it just makes me feel like isn't anything sacred anymore? Did the vows that they took not mean anything? I'm married. I cannot imagine my husband sleeping with another woman. I can't even think about it to be honest.

She has so many excuses on why she keeps seeing this guy. She says the sex is fantastic & she wants to use him just like he's using her. I can't help but to feel like my friend is selling herself really, really short - playing second fiddle to a wife and a family just isn't a good idea. She's such a beautiful girl, with a great career & a great sense of humor.
Sadly, someones going to get hurt & I'd put money on it that it's not going to be him - it's going to be her. What to do? Do I tell her I think she's making a mistake? Do I wait for it to backfire in her face & comfort her when she needs it? I just don't know.

6 comments:

kimmyk said...

In all honesty, the person that's going to get hurt is neither one of them but his own family. His wife and children. (if he has children that is)

I would tell her what you think, but if she has it in her head she's using him like he's using her...then it's really not going to matter and you can only hope that it ends as quickly as it began.

If they are leading separate lives, then he wouldn't be calling on the weekends and at night only.

Or you could just stay out of it and be a friend when it all falls apart...but I'd have a hard time with it myself, cause who wants to be the other woman? Not cool.

brandy said...

Oh lovely, this really has you in a tricky spot doesn't?? Although I've never slept with a married man, I did kiss one once. "Kiss" implies it was a peck, but... it wasn't. It was a long, 'we are pretending we are in the movies' sort of kiss. I didn't know he was married (WITH CHILDREN) until afterwards. When, you know, he asked for my number. (I declined).

I think this is the type of situations where it's possible that everyone will get hurt. I think your friend is making a poor choice, and I bet she knows it too. The trouble is, we can all know we are making poor choices and still want to follow through on them. I think, the best (and only) think you can do is just be there for when it ends. Because it will end. That's the saddest part of it all.

Danni said...

Infidelity disgusts me. If there is a reason you want to cheat on a significant other then you shouldn't be with that person anymore. What she should be worried about is if he is sleeping with other people too. In this day and age that is just gross!! You aren't going to be able to tell her anything. She is an adult who is going to do what she wants. When she starts talking about it to you, stop her and say, you know what I don't want to have this discussion with you. I don't agree with what you are doing and I don't really have anymore to say about it other than that. Don't feed into, oh, you'll get hurt, he's using you, blah, blah, blah. She already knows it. She just chooses to continue to do it. Nothing you can do.

Mel Heth said...

What a mess. I've had friends do the same thing, and there's just nothing you can say or do to pull them out of it. It's like any other destructive relationship - the participants of it have to realize how bad it is on their own.

Brandy is right - just plan to be there for her when it all falls apart. And keep enjoying your faithful husband!

Semicharmed said...

kimmyk - I so agree with you, it makes me sad for them especially being a wife. I've told her in a little how I felt this week - hopefully she takes it to heart - unfortunately I don't think it helped much.

brandy - definitely does. isn't that how it always works? why would you tell someone after the fact? it makes me crazy! and you are right, there is only one outcome, and unfortunately for her it aint gonna be pretty.

danni - me too! we've talked about this you know how skeeved out I am over the fact that he is more than likely sleeping with his wife & with her! gross....I don't know if I can sit back and not say anything - your right, maybe I just need to tell her I don't want to talk about it, it's hard though especially when I have to see BOTH of them everyday.

Mel - I think your right.
It does make me feel so fortunate that I don't have to worry about that!

michelle said...

u dont tell her, because really... deep down, how does she not know? no matter what you say, it will come back to haunt you.
and yes u are right.. too many people are cheating now a days. its really crazy, the more people i talk to, the more i cant get over how many people cheat. people want attention 24/7 and when they dont get it... thats when the problems begin.
i wanna know how he gets out on weekends and nights for a booty call when hes married! hahahah