What’s in a name?

When I found out I was pregnant (a year and a half ago!); I was swirling around with ideas…..what would we call our little one?

We scoured the internet for names, we knew we wanted something semi-Italian, especially if we were having a boy – he definitely needed a strong Italian name.

After many months, and many arguments (“No we are NOT naming our son Vincenzo”) – we finally settled on Luca for a boy, and Sophia for a girl.

For as long as I can remember, I always knew if I had a girl I would name her Sophia Bella. I loved the way it sounded together, it was perfect and classy. On February 17th, 2010 we found out we were having a girl, much to my surprise (and excitement as well)! Sophia it was!! After we wiped away the tears, and got in the car to drive home – the H turned to me and said “I’d really like her middle name to be Josephine, after my mom”. After speaking to the H’s sister (and my bff) to make sure she was ok with it – which she happily was!

Deal. It was done, I loved it and I thought what better way to honor the most amazing woman, I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, than to name our daughter after her.

The H kept saying to me “If you really want Bella its ok, I wont be upset” – how could I change my mind at that point? It was perfect. And now that she’s here, I couldn’t even imagine it any other way.

Sophia Josephine………… Think it suits her just swell.

8 Months

Today marks little miss’ 8 month birthday.
Doesn’t seem real! My baby will be ONE in 4 more months. What happened? I just want time to stand a little stiller, to go by a little bit slower.

I want to make sure I’m taking all of this in, and cherishing all of these little moments, because in a matter of time, Sophia will be walking and talking, and before I know it she’ll be going off to school (dear God, someone will need to institutionalize me for that one).

These last 8 months, have been amazing, everything I ever wanted, and so much more.

They’ve also been hard, I’m not gonna lie.

I wasn’t prepared for a lot of this, the sleepless nights, the struggle of being a working mom trying to keep it all together, feeling like I suck at not only being a mom, but being a wife as well. The struggle to find balance, which is still a work in progress.

Above all, the thing I was mostly unprepared for – was the feeling that my heart sprouted legs and is walking around outside my body.
I worry about so much; Worry that she’s not eating enough, or too much.

Worry that she’s not sleeping enough.
Now that she’s mobile – I worry that she’s going to fall and get hurt. The list goes on and on, and on.

But that’s normal right? From what I hear, it doesn’t stop. It doesn’t ever go away. Even when your babies are grown up and married, and have families of their own.

But it’s ok. If this is the trade off, that I get to have a happy, healthy, beautiful daughter – then by all means, bring it on. Sleep though, would be nice, really, really, REALLY nice – I’m just sayin’.

Out of Gas

That's how I feel for the last week.
Hell, who am I kidding - more like the last 6 1/2 months since little miss has made her arrival.

Like I'm literally on E, I'm puttering on and not sure how much farther I'll make it.
I'm in desperate need of a gas station - or in my case a "sleep station".

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for anything, and I would gladly gave up sleep for the rest of my life if it meant keeping this sweetpea happy.

But mama's wiped out. Like exhausted.

So much so that when she woke up @ 2:00am last night after not going down until 10:30pm (after quite the struggle might I add) - I laid in bed and sobbed.

The h - being the doting dad that he is, got up with her and told me to go to sleep. I couldn't. Instead I got up, rocked her and softly hummed "twinkle, twinkle little star" after my 10th go round she was back asleep, only to arise again @ 4am. You get it right? This is pretty much our nightly routine - only most times she is in bed by 8pm and up anywhere from 11-12pm and again a few more times. Oh and did I mention she's in bed with me?? Yeah. She is. Has a total meltdown when we put her in the crib. But at this point honestly, that's the least of my problems.

These last 8-weeks have been rough and I really am at a loss as to what to do next. I know she CAN sleep through the night! She did it around 8 weeks, and lasted a good 2 months.

But lately - if we've had 3 nights of consecutive sleep that's saying a lot!!Everything I read online suggests this is normal for her age, between teething and growth spurts and babies learning to soothe themselves to sleep, this is pretty much par for the course.

Friends / Family have suggested putting her in her crib and letting her "cry it out". I can't. I've tried. I physically get ill. They say eventually your baby will get tired and eventually fall asleep, thus learning to self soothe and fall asleep on their own. Nope. Not my girl. After a few failed attempts, that lasted over an hour she just cried, no - actually hysterically screamed, not settling down, only getting more and more worked up. While I? Laid on the side of her crib and cried right along with her. I've read online for a select few babies, cry it out DOES not work! Of course I have that baby.

Last weekend I started gradually putting her in her crib for naps, hoping she would get used to it. The first time she slept an hour and a half (woohoo); the second and all subsequent times after - SCREAMS. Ugh.

So my question is, moms - what did you do?
Am I sabotaging Sophia's sleep by having her in bed with us?
By not letting her cry it out?
Is my bedtime too late?

Help. I'm about to break.